Heaven Sent: November 2007

I am so sorry I haven't posted. I kept wanting to give you guys the whole labor story and the drama that followed, but that would involve time...something I have yet to find in my attempt to mother two children! :o) Therefore, you'll get the quick summary for now. I plan to write down the details for myself eventually, but at this rate, that will be next year!

Anyway, yes, Amanda, I am alive ;o) and actually doing much much better. As some of you may know, you can't really get rid of a blood clot; you have to wait for your body to absorb it. But I am on a blood thinner for the next 5 months to prevent the clot in my lung from getting bigger. I was getting my blood checked twice a week to make sure it was at the right consistency, but now my levels are more stable, so as of this week, we are attempting checking it once every other week. Yeah!

Another reason I didn't post was because there was actually more drama that followed the blood clot drama. As you may have noticed from my post, I ended up staying in the hospital a little longer than planned. The day before they hoped I would be able to go home, I developed a large hematoma in my left uterine wall that was EXTREMELY painful. As in I'd rather have 5 kids without drugs than go through this pain again. At one point, I was on two Vicodin pills, they doubled up on my morphine IV, and I was still in pain. They finally gave me Demerol (yes all at the same time) and then, well, all was well with the world... :o)

The pain of the hematoma kept me on my back for a few days and was preventing me from peeing on my own. So in went a catheter and LOTs of pain meds.

They usually do surgery and drain the hematoma, but they couldn't do
that for me because of the blood thinner. If I went into surgery, I could hemmorhage, which would obviously not be a good thing. So the hope was that my body would absorb the hematoma. They prepared me for emergency surgery in the event that it got bigger, but thankfully, that never happened. But, I had to stay in the hospital until I could walk and pee on my own again. And deal with the pain. That's why I got home late Monday night instead of Friday.

The real blessing was that Miss Kendall was able to stay with me the whole time. The nurses took great care of her and ensured that she was fed on demand. The doctors assured me all the meds I was on were safe for nursing Kendall, so I was able to breastfeed the whole time. Because I wasn't able to sit up for a while, we mastered the lying down feeding position -- something I could never get quite right with Emma. I have to say feeding Kendall was the only thing that kept me sane during those 11 VERY long days.

I'm not sure I'm ready to write about the emotional impact of all of this just yet, but I have to say that being away from Emma was by far the worst part of it all. Half of my heart was so overjoyed to have Kendall in my life, but the other half was so very broken that I couldn't see my first baby. The one I spend every second of the day with. The one who understood enough to miss and cry out for me, but wasn't old enough to understand that I didn't leave her for good. Some day I'll be ready to write more, but for now, let's just say my heart is still on the mend. And I think hers is a little bit too.

The hematoma still hasn't gone away, but the pain is decreasing every day. And according to my OB appointment yesterday, it is finally getting smaller! It's about 1/4 the size it was 5 weeks ago, so hopefully in a few more weeks it will be completely gone.

They've done tests and concluded that the blood clot was a "fluke" of pregnancy, meaning that nothing in my blood or genetic makeup makes me prone to clots. It was just the increased estrogen levels and the pressure in my pelvic area. They assume a clot formed in the pelvic region, and then after delivery, popped up into my lung. Also, believe it or not, the blood thinner is what caused the hematoma. I felt like I couldn't win!

I do realize how very blessed I am that they caught it -- and that I am alive today -- but if I'm going to be honest, the whole thing still seems more like nuisance than anything. Yes, God did protect me and answered the MANY prayers that went up for me, but it is a strange feeling to have such a fuss made over you. But more on all that later.

Anyway, Miss Kendall is doing great, although her tummy seems even more sensitive than Emma's -- but at least I'm prepared this time. And Emma is adjusting fairly well. She was pretty shaken up with me being gone for so long, so it took us a while to get back on track, but we're getting there. I have my good days and bad days, but I know I'll eventually find my Mommy groove again. For now, I sit in awe of you women with three and four children. How do you do it???

So that's the scoop for now. I realize this doesn't seem like a "quick summary," but there is so much more I could write! Hopefully I can start posting more often. Poor Kendall is already getting treated like a second child...she's almost 6 weeks old and I have yet to write her one-month letter!