If you know me or follow me at all on social media, you know
that I am not exactly quiet about my feelings. I am definitely a “sharer,” and
if we are getting gut-honest, I’m really more of an “over-sharer.”
This means that if you ask me how things are going and we
have a few minutes to catch up, you will likely get a long-winded answer that
will make your eyes glaze over about 10 minutes in. It also means that if you
vacation with me in Florida, I will make you put down your lighthearted People
magazine so I can fill you in on the horrors of sex trafficking I just learned
about in the not-so-lighthearted book I brought with me. (I have very patient
friends.) I have been known to confide in total strangers, and I absolutely
love it when they feel comfortable enough to confide in me. And my poor, poor
husband…let’s just say communication is NOT a problem in our marriage.
On the plus side, it also means that if you are on my heart,
you will likely get a text or some other form of message from me because I just
can’t keep that stuff to myself. If I come across a song, a Bible verse, a
saying, or a prayer that makes me think of you, I will send it on—even if I only
know about your life from social media. That might be where the word “over”
comes into play.
For as long as I can remember, I have been a communicator. (If
your mother also encouraged you as a young child to become a lawyer or TV reporter,
you are probably one, too.) Like anything, this has its advantages and
disadvantages. On my best day, I might encourage someone. On my worst day, I
might make someone want to lock themselves inside their bedroom so they can
watch mindless TV because I have emotionally exhausted them 5 minutes after
they’ve walked in the door—hypothetically speaking, of course.
Honesty, vulnerability, transparency…these things come
fairly easy for me. I definitely have perfectionist tendencies (ask my
siblings), but putting up the façade that I am actually perfect is just way too
exhausting. I’d rather just tell you my flaws upfront so we can cut through the
fake and move on to real.
This, I've concluded, is just how I am wired. If I experience it, I want
to tell you. If I learn it, I want to teach you. If I don’t understand it, I
want to ask lots of questions and talk it out until it makes sense to me.
So naturally, when I found out about Brooklyn’s Spina Bifida,
my instinct was to share. It just felt like the next right thing. I started
writing on my blog (free therapy), and a few times, I also shared our testimony
out loud—during a few church services, at a women’s event, and twice at a
moms’ group at my church. It was all very healing and empowering, and it also helped me
find perspective and meaning. Words always do that for me.
Fast forward to today. I still feel led to share about lots of
things -- my feelings, our story, God’s goodness -- but life is busy and work
is necessary, and I am often lost about where and how I should share. Social
media is usually not the right place for big feelings, and I also understand
that my children and my family may not fall into the “over-sharer” category and
don’t want their lives chronicled on my blog. So instead of doing the obvious,
logical thing – write in a journal that is never published – I do mostly
nothing, leaving me conflicted and frustrated and full of way too many feelings
most of the time. (Go ahead and say a quick prayer for my husband right now.)
A sweet friend put it to me this way:
“Everyone has a story. You just need to write it.”
Those words resonate so deeply with my heart because they
remind me that this little personality trait of mine -- one that makes me feel
like I’m a bit “too much” for most people -- is part my unique design and
maybe, just maybe, God could use it for His glory if I’d just get over myself.
Perhaps this nagging feeling to share is God telling me to go and share. Of course, maybe it isn’t,
but I am choosing to believe that God can do anything, even through me.
Last spring, one of my steps of Faith was sending out a
flyer to local MOPS groups that might be looking for a guest speaker. The
opportunity totally came to me and wasn’t anything I pursued, so I walked
through the door—and now I have 9 speaking engagements scheduled over the next
6 months.
Eeek!!!!
Now, the mature, business-savvy person would take this
all in stride. They probably wouldn’t write about it, and they certainly would
not send out group text messages with half a dozen emojis every time they got a
new request. I mean, I sent out flyers and people responded—get it together,
sister. But remember that I’m an over-sharer so I’ll just go ahead and admit
that I am not taking this in stride, and although I am excited and humbled to
take on this new venture, I am also pretty freaked out. But Paul told us to
work out our salvation with fear and trembling, so I’m just banking on the fact
that this is just what it feels like when God moves in your life.
I also have a few more “steps” in the works, but as someone
has wisely advised me, I am being careful not to knock down any doors. This
doesn’t mean I won’t work hard, it just means I am following His lead.
Honestly, I think that is the only way I can do this and keep myself in check.
I do, however, need to follow the advice of another
friend and get back to writing. Hence, this rambling post. I knew that if I
waited for the prefect blog post to brew, it would be three more months before I
showed up on here. Plus, if my goal is to be honest, then it only makes sense
that I give you the full scoop on this new journey I am about to embark on.
And, really, who am I kidding… I’ve been dying to tell you
all about it!!! :) :) :)
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| Artwork by my talented friend, Nicole. |
