Monday, June 30, 2008

The Best Part of Me

I wake up this morning exhausted. Another bad night with Kendall. 2 hours of sleep isn't enough. I have no patience, yet I have a full day ahead of me with two small children. I want to sleep. I want to escape.

But I can't. And really, I don't want to. These two precious girls are mine. I don't want anyone else to take care of them.

Most of the time, being a mom overwhelms me. Like my friend Jana wrote so beautifully here, I often wonder if I'm cut out for this mom thing. Did I make the right decision by quitting my career? I was much better at that.

I worry. All the time. My girls consume my every thought, my every move. They come first.

Not just because that's "my job" now, but because it comes naturally. For some reason, we mothers are built that way. We are built to sacrifice everything for our children. No matter how much we long to be selfish, most of the time, we can't. It is in us to give. And give. And give.

I admit that often makes me frustrated. Frustrated that I can't just let stuff go and be me first. Frustrated that my dear husband -- and honestly, all men -- do not have this problem. Not because they are insensitive, but because that is how they are built.

During my devotion time today, I come across this verse:

"It is true that he was weak when he was killed on the cross, but he lives now by God's power. It is true that we are weak in Christ, but for you, we will be alive in Christ by God's power." 2 Corinthians 13:4

God is so powerful, that he gave up His power. He became weak. For me, for you, for all of us. He sacrificed Himself so that we might know and experience His love.

And then it occurred to me: Isn't that what we moms do? We sacrifice ourselves so that our children may know and feel our love. Not only because it is "our job," but because there is literally something inside of us that makes us this way.

That frustrating part of us that wakes upon the smallest cry from our child, and now we can't fall back asleep. That part of us that for some unexplainable reason, misses an exhausting toddler only 30 minutes after she has fallen asleep. That part of us that needs a break so badly, yet finds the energy, the patience, and the love to make it through the day. Every day.

That part of us? That's God love. Unconditional and ever-giving. A characteristic planted in mothers by Him to give us just a glimpse of what His love is like.

Yeah, I'll take that over me any day.


Randi said...

Praise the Lord that He shows us in everyday things this precious gift.

Thanks so much for the blog comment:)

Tracey said...

It's so natural to question our ability to do the whole motherhood thing "properly." And yet? We continue on and do it, for who else will?

Mama C-ta said...

It is amazing what keeps us going when we just don't feel like we can do it another day. I always feel like being a mother is so much work. I don't mean like a job (well that too) but I feel I am missing some of that natural mother tendency so I really need to make myself go through the motions, it's not coming natural like it seems to do for so many others. then I realize well it is coming natural if I'm even thinking to do these things! But wouldn't you kill for one day to be wired like our husbands and shut our mama brain off for once! Just once!

M. Fox said...

lisa...i love how cerebral you are. great post