Capture

You know what I love about life? That once in a while it smacks you upside the head to remind you that you need to just CHILL.

Case in point: Halloween afternoon I was desperately trying to get a decent photo of all three girls together. Getting all three to look at the camera and smile at the same time was darn near impossible. Brooklyn was NOT happy, Emma kept trying to make her happy, and Kendall can't smile without looking like her eyes and teeth are in the process of exploding out of her head. Needless to say, I was annoyed and -- (a-hem) -- I let them know it. Not my finest Mommy moment.

Later, after combing through a bazillion shots on my camera, searching for a decent photo to post on Facebook, I remembered I took a few with my phone. And here is what I found...

THIS, my friends, is what I should have been trying to capture. Look at them...loving each other, interacting, having fun. THIS is what I want to look back and remember.

Lesson learned (again). Next time, Mommy plans to forget about the 432 so-called "friends" and join in on the fun that is happening RIGHT IN FRONT of her, with the three most awesome people in her life.

Have a great weekend, everyone. I hope you take the time to enjoy the awesome people in your life!

Linking up with Small Style at Mama Loves Papa (a.k.a. "Making it Work"):
Emma-      Jasmine outfit: borrowed from my niece; wig: Target
Brooklyn-  infant fairy costume gifted from Auntie Sha <3
Kendall-    ballet recital hand-me-down from Emma; ballet shoes: Payless

Enough

I sit here doing bills, and I wish 

there was more.

Yet I know

there should be less.

I hate this part of life. I wish

it all could be swept under the rug and forgotten so we could just

enjoy.

But would I enjoy? Or would I too take that for granted?

There is so much I want for us, 

for this world.

Yet there never seems to be enough.

But maybe,

maybe 

there is.

Linking up to Just Write (and inspired by the ever-beautiful Stephanie.)

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Matthew 6:26 

Super

Today, I had a "Mr. Mom" kind of day.

We all know the scene well, but let's make a few adjustments, shall we?

Let's replace the TV repairman with a dishwasher repairman; the exterminator with a physical therapist; a torn woobie with a shifted cast; a chili-eating infant with an exhausted 1-year-old totally deprived of a nap and a 4-year-old stranded at preschool in her Halloween costume (although I'm pretty sure she was more than content with some extra "Grandma time" and jelly beans...). And instead of an exploding washing machine, let's take an unexpected trip to Children's Memorial with said 1- and 4-year-olds.

Go ahead and throw in a few meltdowns and some good 'ole Chicago traffic for good measure.

By the way, it's 12pm.

And scratch the "Mr." part because he? Well, he's in Texas for the week.

So I guess my little math equation just leaves us with a "Mom" kind of day, which really makes more sense because -- haven't we ALL been here? Maybe your washing machine really did blow up (or ate your cell phone), or you found your infant eating a tube of toothpaste (we won't tell), or -- the absolute last straw -- you ran out of Pumpkin Spice creamer (because, then, you might as well be out of coffee).

But it's what we Moms (or Mr. Moms) do, right? We juggle and put out fires and pick up and drop off and get 15 snacks and wipe noses, butts, and tears all day long -- all the while we haven't eaten or gone to the bathroom or, heck, even showered for longer than we care to admit.

Yet it's these days -- the crazy, sitcom-worthy days -- that we can take a step back and say, "I did it."  Super Mommy powers activated, extra limbs found, and somehow a decent meal still found it's way on the table. And as exhausting and somehow unsatisfying the world tries to convince us it all is, it's these days that I realize that I not only did it "all," but that I did it without freaking out and, more importantly, that it was totally worth it.

They are worth it.

Too often I beat myself up for what I didn't get done, what I should have done, or what I could have done better. But, today, I am waving my Super Mom flag because once in awhile, we need to do that for ourselves.

We need to do that so that we realize that this is rewarding. That these days are shaping us. That somewhere in the middle of the chaos, we are growing, getting stronger, and becoming someone He intended all along.

And even if it doesn't feel like it -- especially on days like these when no one else seems to notice -- we are worth it. We are making a difference. We are significant.

He certainly thought so, and so should you.

You are worth it. 
   
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
Proverbs 31:30-31

(P.S. How were you "super" today? Go ahead and tell, it feels good!)

Pink Lemonade (or something like that...)

So I know I'm a day late linking up with Small Style at  Mama Loves Papa, but I promised hot pink casts, so here they are in all their neon glory!

Seriously, you would never know that she even had them on. Girl is making her way across the room and getting into all sorts of trouble. And we are loving every minute.

The other day Brooklyn was getting some blood work done and while we were in the waiting room, a kind woman asked about her casts. I briefly explained why Brooklyn had surgery, and she says to me with tears in her eyes, "Doesn't it just break your heart?"

I knew she was referring to seeing Brooklyn in her casts, and you know what? It doesn't. She is just so happy and is clearly handling it all just fine, so why would I waste my time being sad about it when I could spend that time enjoying my baby. Seeing her strength gives me strength. If anything, I am in awe of how awesome she is, which not only makes me proud, it gives me joy. Not the superficial "high on life" kind of joy, but real joy. Joy that brings peace, acceptance.

It is well, my friends. It is well.

Making it Work:

Dress- Old Navy (Kendall hand-me-down)

Jacket- Levi's (Emma hand-me-down)

Four

Happy 4th birthday to my beautiful, lovable little Kendall.

I'm not sure if I love your giggle, your hugs, or your big heart more,

but I am so very thankful that I get to spend my days enjoying them all.

Making it Work, Splint Style

 

It's Thursday, which means Small Style at Mama Loves Papa. As you can see, bulky beige splints don't quite make the best accessories, but we worked around them. I have some cute gray striped tights that would have been great with this outfit, but such is life. You take what you are given, and you work with it.



Because we had to be careful not to shift the splints, the last few weeks have been mostly onesies and dresses. But I have been waiting to use these sweater shorts since Brooklyn was 6 months old, and they were a great "pants" solution. The shorts are actually bloomers that went under a sweater dress a family member gave Brooklyn last Christmas. For some reason, they were way too big for her at the time, but I knew I would find a good use for them. We will for sure be wearing these a lot these next few months, whether with splints, casts, or tights.



By the way, our resident rock star is doing great these days. She got her full casts on Tuesday -- can you say hot pink?! -- and the whole thing never even phased her. I got a quick peek at her "new" feet, and although they were definitely a little...well, sore to say the least, they also looked amazing. Like real feet -- long and flat and ready for some serious standing. God is so good, people.

And now that we have hot pink casts, who needs tights anyway? Trust me, girl is working them. We'll be sure to show them off next week. Until then, have a great weekend!

Making it Work:

Shirt:     Carter's (1st bday gift)

Shorts:   No clue (and I'm way too lazy to track down the bin with the sweater dress)

Splints:  Children's Memorial Hospital ;-)

Hello, Sunshine

Well, we are back this week linking up to Small Style at  Mama Loves Papa. Sorry we missed last week, but you know, we had some extra snuggling to do after the whirlwind of surgery. We did have a little excitement Friday and ended up back at the hospital with a high temp, but we were home before midnight and back in our own beds, which is always a blessing to this mama.

The temp is now gone, and our rock star is on the mend. She is already trying to figure out how to scoot around on those bandaged legs! Obviously these photos were taken pre-surgery, but trust me, we are finding ways to rock those casts. Stay tuned!



I have to admit that there is always this "down time" for me after we go through surgery or one of our Spina Bifida "reality checks." The adrenaline (and the prayers!) get me through it all at the time, but it's the "after shock" that tends to be hard on me emotionally. Life does indeed go on, but my heart needs a few days to get back into the swing of things.

Although part of me feels weak for not jumping back in full force with thanksgiving, the other part of me is starting to realize that a little "down time" is probably healthy. It gives me time to feel, to reflect. I mean, one minute I'm sending my baby off in a stranger's arms to be operated on for almost 5 hours, and the next day I'm getting Emma off the bus and searching for misplaced library books. It's all a bit much for any one person to process.

But as I seek Him to guide me through this journey, He -- as always -- is enlightening my perspective and easing the burden. The clouds are now parting, and and I am starting to see the rays of sunshine. And although I'd love to think that someday this might all become second nature to me, somehow I don't really think that will be the case. My trust in Him might grow as we get farther in this journey, but I have a feeling my human nature will always take me back to Him, asking for His help, His encouragement.

And, really, isn't that the point?

Making it Work... 

Shirt:   Carters (1st b-day gift)

Pants:  Baby Gap (niece hand-me-down)

Shoes: Star Child from Urban Baby Runway (Emma hand-me-down)

Surgery Success!

Well, we finally made it to surgery #4, and it was a success. Brooklyn is now recovering and should be heading home first thing tomomorrow morning. She is still pretty hoarse and drowsy from the anestesia, but Little Miss Nosey is too busy checking everything out and hasn't been interested in napping. She just finally decided to get some much-needed rest. I'm hoping she sleeps well tonight.

So far, she is being a good sport about her legs, and we are hoping that continues for the next 7 weeks. She will be in splints (half casts) for about 2 weeks and then full leg casts for another 5 weeks. After that, the casts come off, and we get to work on standing!

As always, thank you so much for your prayers these last few weeks. They are powerful, and they are being answered.

Much love to all of you!

On the Move: Take THAT Spina Bifida!

Guess who decided to move just a few days before we put heavy casts on her legs!?!! And she did it when Mommy wasn't home, the little booger. I can barely watch this without crying my eyes out.

I wish I could describe the overwhelming sense of gratitude my heart feels, but words could never do it justice. I am so very, very proud of our rock star, and I am so very, very thankful for a God who answers my prayers.

I'll let the video say the rest.



"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Romans 12:12

Small Style: Making It Work

Back in the day, I used to do a weekly blog post called Fashion Friday. It was fun way to make sure I was taking photos of Emma regularly. Then Kendall came along, and I had a hard time keeping it up.  Really, I was just happy if we made it out of our pajamas every day.

By the time Brooklyn entered our world, I did master the whole getting dressed every day thing, but fashion wasn't much of a priority. I depended on bins of hand-me-downs and clothing gifts from friends and family. Needless to say, we are all about second-hand around here.

As much as I'd like to shop for my girls - I drool over Zulily and The Mini Social on a daily basis -- I just can't justify spending money if we already have bins full of perfectly fine threads. Emma is about the only one that gets anything truly new, and most of it is from her birthday and birthday money. Funds are tight and, really, how much do we need?

With all of that said, I do say that I've gotten sloppy. I've relied a little too much on predetermined "outfits" and just rewash the same old things over and over. A quick look at my Facebook pix will show you I've fallen into the same trend with my own wardrobe.

How did I get so boring? I love clothes. I know there are more important things in the world, but getting dressed should be fun and should make you feel good. I mean, I have THREE GIRLS!!! I should be having a blast. Just because I don't have a huge wardrobe budget doesn't mean we can't get a little creative.

Sooooo... I've been inspired to get out of my fashion pity-party and make the most of what we have.

Here's the plan: every Thursday I'm going to try and  link up with Small Style at  Mama Loves Papa. But I won't be bragging about labels here. My goal is to try to update some great oldies. I'm not saying that I will be offering you any inspiration. Really, I'm using this as a way to get me inspired...and an excuse to take more photos of my girls.

So here is the first installment. We'll title it, Bo-Ho Brooklyn.
Clothing stats at the bottom. Have a great weekend everyone!

Pants:  Kee-Ka Organics, Kendall hand-me-down

Shirt: Sonoma, Ava (niece) hand-me-down

Hat: Old Navy, Ava (niece) hand-me-down

Amber teething necklace: gift from Aunt Jenni

Quick Update

So, yeah, no surgery again this week due to Tuesday's fever and what appears to be an ear infection that never quite went away. That's three canceled surgery dates in one month. Annoying, yes, but really, I'm okay with it.

Granted, I was beyond frustrated Tuesday morning when I felt Brooklyn's hot head, but as the day went on, I realized it was absolutely ridiculous to be upset about not taking her in for surgery. I mean, who wants to take their kid in for surgery?

Last night, as I nursed and rocked Brooklyn to sleep, I thought about the fact that I could have been doing the very same thing in a hospital rocking chair. I could have been kissing my hubby goodbye as he headed home to our girls.  Our girls could have had someone other than me tucking them in for the night and sending them off to school in the morning.

But instead, I was nursing a snuggly, sweet-smelling baby as my other two babies slept soundly next door, and my hubby waited on the couch with a cozy blanket. And I got to start my morning with all four of them piled into my bed. Really, there was no where else I wanted to be -- and for that, I was grateful.

Yes, I want to get this surgery done and over with. But it isn't an emergency (thank God!), and I don't want to send my baby off to the OR if I have even an inkling that she is not at her best. I will wait until the time is right, whether that takes another week or another month (although hopefully not another month... :)

As always, thank you for your prayers. We promise to keep you posted. Until then, there is a man and cozy blanket calling my name. Have a great weekend, everyone!

On a Star

I can still feel the grit of the shingles scraping my toes, the salty tears trailing down my cheeks. The promise, the hope of the stars -- reflections of something bigger than me. Bigger than my one whispered request.

Let me find him, Lord.

Little did I know that just five years later, I would find him. He would ride up on a white horse with four wheels and steal my breath while gently asking for my heart. He would see my soul, my mind, and love every inch of my awkward frame, erasing all of the painful words of childhood.

He would boldly defend my honor and reintroduce me to my Father, making me feel safe, cherished, loved.

He would ask for my hand in our favorite place away from home, and we would eat frozen raviolis every Thursday on the hand-me-down table we positioned right in front of the TV. At times it would seem there were more fights than laughter, but always – always -- passion.

He would give me three beautiful girls, every one special and a wonderful surprise in their own way. The miracle of the first. The joy of the second. The blessing of the third.

Together, we would build our dream house, our home. A living memory box of two little girls giggling on the playroom floor, of two humbled adults crying on their knees in the office. Of a family of five grateful for sleeping under one roof.

One little request, softly spoken, yet heard. Answered. Bringing more to my life than I ever imagined, more love than one star could hold.

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart. I couldn’t dream up a better person to spend this life with. Our love isn’t perfect, but it is unconditional and it is forever.

I love you. I like you. And I hope you already know, I’m so glad I found you.

Surgery Canceled

Well, unfortunately, Brooklyn's surgery  was canceled today at the last minute. We have been fighting a massive diaper rash the last week and half, and it decided to flare up again this morning, prompting our surgeon to call off surgery (right before heading to the OR). Because we think the rash is bacterial, the chance of infection and complications was too much of a risk. We are hoping to reschedule for next week.

We are so sorry for the false alarm and still really appreciate all of the prayers. We are frustrated, of course, but we are trusting in God's timing. It is always perfect!

We will keep you posted on the new surgery date. Thank you all again!

Surgery #4

Wow, am I feeling this post tonight. Trusting, trusting, trusting...

Prayer Request: Brooklyn's Surgery on Wednesday

 Once again, we humbly come to you and ask you to say a prayer for Miss Brooklyn, who will be having surgery on Wednesday. Thankfully, it is only foot surgery, but they are estimating it will take about 4 hours and, of course, she will have to be put under.

She will be having surgery on both feet, although they will most likely do more work on her left foot. The name of the procedure our surgeon will be performing is Posteromedial Lateral Release, which basically means she will be making Brooklyn's feet flat and straight. Unfortunately, the Achilles tendon surgery Brooklyn had last year to flatten her feet wasn't successful, and her clubbed feet that were corrected with the casts have started to turn in. This surgery is necessary to correct both of those things so that she will be able to properly stand and bear weight on her legs.

We also ask that you pray for Brooklyn's recovery process, as she will have pins in her feet, as well as splints and casts on her legs for 7 weeks. We aren't quite sure how this will go over with our little rock star, but we are hopeful that she will be her usual rock star self and "make it work"!

The good news is that once she is fully recovered, we will be measuring her for a stander, which is very exciting! Because she lacks feeling in her lower legs (below the knee), she doesn't quite understand that she can use them to stand. But once her feet have been corrected, we will be able to teach her body what to do by using this device. What a joy it will be to see her standing on her own two feet some day...we can hardly wait! I have a feeling she is going to love being off the ground and closer to her two big sisters!

For now, Miss Brooklyn more than enjoys sitting up and playing independently. And as of last month, she can even push herself up from the ground all by herself. We are so proud of her! She isn't attempting to crawl since her knees don't quite want to bend the full 90 degrees, but she is starting to get curious about moving around. We are working on her core strength to help her accomplish that, but it is more likely she will "scooch" or army crawl instead of a 4-point-crawl. As with all things Spina Bifida, we will just have to wait and see!

As we prepare for Wednesday, we ask you to pray for any (or all!) of the following:

1. God's protection during the surgery and as she comes out of the anesthesia
2. A successful and peaceful recovery process -- no complications
3. God's miraculous intervention to restore all nerve and muscle functions (We have to ask! :)
4. Peace for us during the surgery
5. Peace for Emma and Kendall as they spend time away from us and as they pray for their little sister

Thank you all for your continued love, support, and prayer. We cannot express how much every one of your prayers means to our family. Sending our daughter into her fourth surgery (eek!) is definitely not an easy task, but we feel God's love and power through all of you.

We will keep you all updated on how everything goes on Wednesday. Thank you so very much, and may God bless you all!

Photo credit: Erin Olson Photography

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7

Middle

She makes me laugh, even when I shouldn't. She can rock a leotard and cowboy boots like no one else and has a charm that oozes out of every one of her dainty features.

Her imagination and determination will take her to places far beyond both of our dreams, and those dimples will make some poor boy wonder if he ever stood a chance. (He didn't.)

The drama -- oh the drama! -- is never lost on her. The more, the better. There isn't a corner of this house she hasn't used to prove her point, a floor board that hasn't felt her stomp.

Her heart is sensitive, but it is big. Her love is freely given, but she is more eager to receive (a trait Mommy will watch carefully in the years to come...).

Her snuggles in the way-too-early hours are treasured and come second only to her awesome tight-around-the-neck hugs that linger just long enough to make you melt.

Sleep ain't got nothing on her, and the excuses for her late-night ventures outside of her room usually leave us giggling and somehow promising to change Barbie into her pajamas--and tuck her in, of course.

Yes, she is victim of many middle-child parenting tendencies I promised I'd never let happen, but thankfully she is making her own mark on this world and needs little help from me.

Her voice will be heard. Her presence remembered.

I have no doubt.

Kendall, you are the child of my heart, my joy, my sunshine. Don't ever feel forgotten or insignificant. Your light shines bright, my love, and we are all so very blessed to feel its warmth.

Different

I admit that lately I've been feeling like I've been lacking in the Mommy Mo-Jo department. I've been working a lot again and things have felt "off" around here. And when things feel "off" I tend to go off the deep end -- over-analyzing all that went wrong, is going wrong, and may go wrong in the future -- when really I probably just need a good night's sleep.

But last night was a good night. A night that told me everything is okay and maybe, just maybe, I can be good at this Mommy thing after all.

I have said before that my Emma is a complicated child. She is passionate and expressive in many ways, but when it comes to the deep-down feelings, she tends to tuck them away. But as with all of us, I know those emotions will find their way out one way or another, so I do my best to pay attention.

I could tell something had been bothering her all week and after a little probing about why she didn't want me to pack a rice milk box in her lunch, she revealed that she is embarrassed about her food allergies. Actually, she told me that she doesn't understand why God made her with allergies.

Now, we've already had the talk about Brooklyn and why God made her the way He did (I may or may not write about that some day), but this wasn't about Brooklyn. And, really, I loved that. As much as my mind wanted to go there, this was about Emma and only Emma. It was about her feelings about being different, which are just as important, just as real, and just as valid as the ones Brooklyn will have some day.

I know this seems obvious--and it is--but I have been worried lately that Brooklyn's special needs have been taking priority over the girls. So it was just really, really nice to focus on Emma's feelings. To know that I could still see them lurking beneath the surface and, more importantly, help her express them.

So last night, at her bedside, we had a nice discussion about how God makes us all different and unique, and how we should try our best to be proud of those differences. And if for some reason we don't like or understand some of the decisions He makes, we have to choose to trust Him and focus on our blessings. We can either choose to sit in the corner and be sad about our allergies -- which won't change a darn thing -- or we can choose to be happy and be thankful that we have lots of other foods we can enjoy.

She understood, cried, asked a few questions, and we ended it all with a few hugs. I honestly thought we had a Full House moment -- I swear there was music playing the background -- and then I asked her, "Do you feel better?"

Her response?

"Not really."

Okay then.

But somehow I think she did feel better. And if she didn't, I know she at least learned something. I know I did.

I can do this.

I may say the wrong things most of the time and at the wrong volume -- and God knows I will certainly do my share of messing up in the future -- but I am learning to see her heart. To ask the right questions. To listen.

I can do this.

Take THAT Spina Bifida!

Make

So I'm not really a crafty person, but I have to admit that I've had the itch to make something with my hands the last couple of years. I even asked for a sewing basket for Christmas a few years ago and was ecstatic when I also got a sewing machine. Okay, yes, it is still in its original box and collecting a whole lot of dust, but I WILL learn to use it someday. (It's on the life list, right next to learning to play the piano and touching a letter on Wheel of Fortune.)

Anyway, when I started planning Brooklyn's birthday party, I decided it was a good excuse to go a bit "Martha Stewart" and try my hand at some DIY party stuff. You know, do the whole "theme" thing and actually buy materials to make things like banners and cupcake toppers...things most sane people would buy from the store.

If there is one thing I have learned this last year it's that life is something to be celebrated. And although the party preparations totally stressed me out and only about half of the guest list ending up attending, I don't regret one of those crafts or little touches that I knew I wanted at this party. Something inside of me wanted to express -- with my own two hands -- just how beautiful life is to me these days.

How simple pleasures can mean everything.

How something as simple as tissue can turn into a beautiful flower. How colorful paper can dress up a cupcake. Or how fresh flowers in the middle of a table or a bag of gummy worms might make somebody's day a little brighter.

Yes, Brooklyn's 1-year mark gave us a lot to celebrate. "Big" things like successful surgeries and a functioning shunt, and "little" things like kicking legs and contagious giggles. But, what we have really learned is that EVERY day is a gift that should be celebrated. And perhaps more importantly, that joy is not found in what you are given, but what you make of it.



 

Ignore the fact that the pink flower on the left is hiding the letter "b" in "birthday." It's not a big deal...really. I mean, it doesn't bother me at all. Not at all.

(*Note: I did not make the pinwheels. Those were purchased from this crafty lady.)







A HUGE thanks to my Mom who helped me make a ridiculous number of tissue pom-poms. XOXO

The absolutely gorgeous dress made by my friend Katie that Miss Brooklyn tolerated for almost the entire party.

My three garden fairies...

Big sister making sure little sister inhales as much sugar as possible.

Not sure if she ever found the cake, but she sure did love the icing.

"Yeaaaaaahhhhh!" (One of her favorite words...second only to "Hi!")

And the big finish... showing off her latest trick -- pushing to sit!-- that managed to squeeze out a few tears from her adoring audience. (Video later this week.)












"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Psalm 139:14

A Year of Faith, Joy and Hope

Happy Birthday, Brooklyn! We love you more than words could ever describe.