Fashion Friday: Double Take

This outfit is one of my favorites. I'm so glad I got to use it twice! I actually found it at a gently-used resale shop when Emma was Kendall's age. If you ask me, they both look adorable in it! Not that I'm biased or anything.

**Emma's in the hat; Kendall is the baldie!**

Let's Talk About It: No Glory

Mommy: Ma-ma, Ma-ma

Kendall: Da-da, Da-da

Mommy: Ma-ma, Ma-ma

Kendall: Ba-ba, Ba-ba


Yup. That's about right.

First Tooth!

I just felt Miss Kendall's first tooth popping through. That makes me feel a little better about the total lack of sleep from last night (and the last week for that matter). Now I 'm just hoping we have a few nights off before tooth #2 shows up!

Fashion Friday: In the Midst of Chaos

...Emma managed to look as cute as ever. Me, on the other hand, well let's just say showers are a luxury, and makeup is totally out of the question.

Happy Friday!

Getting There...

Things are finally starting to feel normal. Yes, we have invaded my parents' home, but I am personally loving it -- and so are my girls.

While I am far from organized, I did manage to get the girls to the park the other day, and it felt so good. No packing, no stress, just a fun hour at the park. All three of us needed it!!!

Temporary Insanity

Both, yes BOTH, of my kids are sitting in front of the TV right now so I can get some very overdue work done. I feel like the most horrible mom ever and swore I would never do this.

And I just ate a Krispy Kreme.

Thank goodness we are only doing this moving thing once!

Fashion Friday: 7 months

Here are a few of Kendall's "6-month photos," taken at 7.5 months.
(*List of excuses for tardiness: Lack of sleep, a very busy and emotionally draining toddler, runny noses, random scratches and other visible markings, selling our house, moving, work, and well, no sleep.)

Anyway, they are okay, but could have been better. Miss Kendall's morning nap was a bit short, so she wasn't her usual cheerful self. Of course, I still think she is cute as a button.


I like this sweater shot, but her foot is doing something funky. Maybe she's double (triple?) jointed...




This one is cute because it's just so her. Sweet, but VERY vocal.




And this one just makes me smile!

We Moved!

Hence, the lack of posts the last few weeks.

It's all happened a little fast, but we are excited to start building our dream home.

Until then, we are at Grandma and Grandpa's house for a few months. Our townhome is no longer ours as of next week, so the never-ending stuff needs to be packed for good. I swear I am packing in my sleep, yet our house still looks pretty full...

Here are the only two valuables I didn't mind packing. (Of course I say this as they sleep!)

Fashion Friday: Feels Like Bermuda

Short weather is here! (At least for today...)
Happy Friday everyone!

*UPDATE: Does it rain in Bermuda?*

Let's Talk About It: Babies

With two new cousins in her near future, Emma has been talking a lot about babies lately. She has taken special notice of both of her aunts' growing tummies, and has even asked me on several occasions if I have a baby in my belly. (Oh Lord, please not right now...)

Anyway, with all of this baby talk, I'm not sure why I was surprised to be greeted by a pregnant toddler this morning:

E: "Mommy, Mommy!"

M: "Good morning, sweetie."

E: (Rubbing a very bulky tummy with an orange and black striped tail) "Mommy, I am having a baby Tigger!"

Let's Talk About It: Relationships

Emma is quite the observant little one these days. Jeff and I find ourselves being more and more careful with our words because she picks up stuff we don't even know she hears. So far, no bad words. However, she is good at relationship advice.


Case in point:

It's Mother's Day and it is a hectic morning as we try to make all the stops to see all the moms and grandmas. We are running late, and I am not happy. Jeff is getting a little bit of an earful, and Emma says,

"Mommy, don't yell at Daddy. He's your friend."

[Gulp.]



And then there was the time that she was supposed to be napping, but instead had to take a potty break and wants to "talk about it." I tell her, "Emma, we're not going to talk about it. Go potty, and we are going back to bed."

She replies, "But Mommy, I want to talk to you because I love you."

[Gulp.][Gulp.]



Finally, there was last week at the dinner table when Emma is talking non-stop, and Jeff is desperately trying to tell me a story. Finally he says, "Emma, can you please stop talking so I can tell Mommy something?"

She says, "But I am just trying to talk to my family."

[Gulp.][Gulp.][Gulp.]


Who knew a 2-year-old could leave you completely speechless?!

Fashion Friday: Easter Revisited

So I"m a little late, but here are the girls in their Easter dresses. Aren't they purty??!!

Vote for Kendall B!

Okay, so I did a photo contest for Emma when she was a baby (and she won!), so I have to do the same for Kendall. If she wins, she'll get $1000 and the title of Chicagoland's Most Huggable Baby!!!

You can vote here starting today at 12pm:
http://www.wlit.com/pages/baby2008.html

Kendall is one of the last photos under "K". And your vote doesn't count until you click on the link in your email address. That "verifies" it.

Voting is all this week. The polling system only allows one vote per email address, per day. (Voting ends every day at 11pm and new polling begins at 12am.)

If Kendall is chosen as a semi-finalist, I'll need ya'll to vote again, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. For now, we'd appreciate even just one vote from you if you have the time. (Or four or five or six votes...)

That's All Folks...

Monday night was my last time nursing Kendall. I am beyond sad, but I know it was for the best.

After writing this post, we had one of our worst nights ever. So I decided to pump and try just formula to see what would happen. I wanted to know if it was me or the formula giving her trouble. Apparently, it was me because she instantly took a turn for the better. Three -- count them -- ONE.TWO.THREE long naps during the day and only one night waking to feed. She was/is a different baby.

For a few days, I tried nursing her first thing in the morning for "bonding," but she wasn't all that interested anymore. So I tried to nurse during her night feeding, assuming she would be all sleepy and cuddly. Not so much. She was clearly done with me.

That may sound harsh, but that's how it feels. It hurts. But as Mama C-ta so beautifully wrote here, sometimes being a mom is about letting go. About doing what is best, even when it breaks your heart. After all, I truly only wanted Kendall to be comfortable, and that is what happened. So now I step back... even with the painful knowledge that this may be the last child I ever nurse.

None of it makes sense to me. My breast milk should be the easiest thing for her to digest, the gentlest on her tummy. It is supposed to be the healthiest option. Yet, for some reason, it isn't in our case. Honestly, that makes me mad.

But even more so, it makes me sad. The sad that hits you in the gut and makes you want to bury your head in your hands and sob. So that's what I did on Monday. I cried. Hard.

I cried for the 11 long days in the hospital when nursing was the only thing that kept me sane. When I missed Emma so very much. When I was scared that things just kept going wrong. When I was frustrated that they weren't letting me leave. When I was wincing in agonizing pain. In the midst of it all, I had the honor of feeding my newborn daughter. I could look down and watch her peacefully eat without a care in the world. She needed me and loved me, and that gave me a reason to be happy. It gave me strength.

I cried for all that I will miss. I will miss watching her come up from a feeding, arching her back with little fists clenched in a big stretch. I will miss the naps on my shoulder that we often took together. I will miss the late-night feedings when it was just the two of us laying side by side. And I will miss the sacrifices that I made so that she knew how very much I wanted to help her.

I cried because it isn't fair. I tried so hard to make this work, but in the end, it wasn't enough. Between the shots I'd have to take because of my pulmonary embolism and the possibility of gestational diabetes again, Kendall may very well be my last child. That is enough to tear any mom's heart out.

So I am sad, but you know what, that's okay:
"Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart." Ecclesiastes 7:3

God lead me to this passage on Monday during my devotional time. You know what the name of my devotion was? "Celebrating Sadness." I know, He is too good.

The devotion reminded me that God created every emotion we feel. And that sadness can be good. It makes us reflect. It makes us feel. Look at how many wonderful works of art were produced out of sadness. Sometimes it feels good to be sad, to cry. God will meet us wherever we are.

My heart is sad, yes. But it is full of God, and it is full of hope. After all, He is healing my baby's stomach.

He has answered my prayer.

'Bean there...

So we are officially going through the "stick things up your nose" stage. Yesterday it was a black bean; today it was a pea. And she gets them stuck up there good.

Needless to say, I am trying to strategically plan tomorrow's meals...

Fashion Friday: Blue is the new yellow

This color blue just makes me happy. Maybe because it shows off my girls' eyes, or maybe it's because it reminds me of the clear blue skies we've been seeing lately. Not sure. All I know is that this color combined my babies' smiles are giving me much joy today!

Mommyland update

So it's been a while since I've written a Mommyland entry, but with good reason. It hasn't been fun. In fact, you can always tell if I've had a bad week by the lack of posts or if they seem a little forced.

I've never wanted to make this blog about me and my feelings. I'm not comfortable working out my "issues" online. But you know what, I really need to vent.

Let me just put it out there: Kendall's stomach sucks. It has caused more worrying than I ever had with Emma. At first, I wasn't as worried simply because I had been through this with Emma, and she was more than fine 2.5 years later. Miss Emma has more than thrived and sleeps awesome now, so I kept telling myself, "This too shall pass."

But the process has been long. I have been on a very strict nursing diet for 6 long months now, with little to no success. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, effects Miss Kendall's stomach. To the point that for much of her life, I've been afraid to eat. I seriously say a little prayer for her protection every time I put a morsel in my mouth. Not a fun way to live.

We've tried Holistic remedies, with no success. And now we're trying hypoallergenic formula, with little success. I tried so hard to fight the formula thing, but I am shrinking again and well, my sanity is just about gone. I want to do what's best for Kendall, but I don't know if I can feel completely responsible for her digestive system anymore. I wish I could say, "To hell with it," and eat normal again AND nurse her, but I don't know how to do it. I don't know how NOT to blame myself when she has a bad night or day.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm totally aware that a lot of this is about my control issues. I have MORE than thought all of this through, and I realize that this diet makes me feel like I am doing everything I can to help Kendall, even if it is not helping. Once again, I am trying to fix, trying to control, trying to make things "the way they should be." So I don't want pity here.

And as much as I want to nurse Kendall, I also think that pride is getting in the way of me making the right decision. My pride that always sets "goals' and works hard to achieve them. I WILL nurse my second child for a year. That was my goal. But am I doing that at the expense of my child? I really don't know anymore.

I have honestly agonized over the decision of whether or not to continue nursing or to move on to formula. She doesn't sleep either way. Her reflux bothers her no matter what, and she has crazy gas. Sometimes she just wiggles in discomfort, other nights she cries out in pain as her stomach spasms under my arm. And some nights she moans herself to sleep.

She doesn't poop for days. Although since we've been supplementing, that has changed. A good thing? Not sure. It's pretty mucousy, but then again, it always has been. She's never had blood in her stool, like Emma did, but I've also completely avoided milk from the beginning.

So what is my point? I have no clue. I just know that I want my baby to have a good night. I want something to help her. And man, I want to eat.

Granted, a lot more could be wrong. My baby is thriving. She is absolutely adorable. She is a happy, happy baby, and giggles at the drop of a hat. She melts my heart with one look.

So I guess I ask for prayer as I (we) continue to decide what is best for our child. And as solids start becoming a part of the picture, my fears only intensify.

It shouldn't be this hard or dramatic, I know, but when you are trying to do the best for your child, you can never second guess enough. I know I have driven my family and Jeff crazy with this, which is why I am writing now. I am hoping that this might help me get it all out. Help me move on. Help stop the hamster wheel spinning in my head.

So there it is. I could write more, but I'm tired of thinking about it all. Let's just hope tonight is a good night.

Fashion Friday: Capris... finally!

Let's just hope this weather is here to stay!

Let's Talk About It: Staying Humble

We are having a typical, face-to-face potty conversation, when Emma stops and points to my mouth.

E: Mommy, your tooth.

M: Yes, those are my teeth.

E: But your tooth, Mommy.

M: Yes, honey that is my tooth. What about it?

E: It's, it's tipping over.

[long pause]

M: No, honey. It's just crooked. Thanks for noticing.

E: Your welcome, Mommy.

Fashion Friday: Sweet as a Rose

She seriously melts my heart with that sweet smile.
Hat and onsie courtesy of Grammie!

Let's Talk About It: Encouragement

Emma and I are paging through the new Little Einsteins coloring book Grandma & Grandpa gave her for Easter, and we come to a page that asks you to draw in creatures of the sea. Emma suggests I draw some fish and starfish. Of course, I draw away.

Then she says: "Mommy, draw Ariel."

I respond: "A mermaid? Oh no, Emma. I don't think Mommy can draw a mermaid."

E: "Yes, you can, Mommy. You can do it. You're a great Mommy!"

How could I say no to that?

Fashion Friday: Keeping Us Cool

Thanks to my stylish friend Mama C-ta, my girls are hip in these awesome alpha tees. Not only does she sell these shirts (which I think I have purchased for everyone I know), she and her hubby actually designed them. You can check out their web site here and her store here.

I admit that I haven't really developed a "style" for Emma or Kendall. This is mostly because we have been blessed with many, many hand-me-downs that are of good quality, are in great condition, and save us tons of money.

Now that we have two girls, though, I asked Jeff if I could splurge and actually buy Emma a decent amount of spring/summer clothes. Obviously, these could be worn by Kendall in a mere 2 years. He was all for it.

Needless to say, I am so excited, I don't even know where to start! But I do have a few items already lined up, so stay tuned...

Preggers!!!

No, not me, silly... my sister! You can check out her blog here.

With a due date of Oct. 17, Baby E will be almost exactly 1 year older than Kendall. Needless to say, we are so excited for her and Todd. God is so good!!!

Let's Talk About It: Tummy Talk

We are at lunch, and Emma has just finished her "dessert," which is a cup of peaches.

Emma: (Stomach growls.) Mommy, did you hear my tummy?

Mommy: No. Did it make a noise?

E: Yes, it did. It said it needs some pears.

M: Oh, really. But you just had some peaches.

E: Yes, Mommy. My tummy needs some pears. And then it will feel better.

M: Oh, well, I better get you some pears then.

E: Oh 'shank you, Mommy!

Fashion Friday: Sleepy Sisters

Success!

Overall, a pretty good day...

Achievement #1: Mommy ventures out of the house with both kids during the crucial lunchtime/naptime window, and everyone survives.

Achievement #2: Emma falls asleep BEFORE 2pm for the second time this week. This is HUGE since putting her down for a nap has recently become a 2-hour Olympic sport.

Achievement #3: Kendall rolled over from her back to her tummy for the first time, and then decided that wasn't fun enough. So now she's barrel-rolling across the floor.

Now if only I could top it all off with some pizza or chocolate! More on that later...

Let's Talk About It: Phew!

Lately, Emma has been into "taking a break" after her usual busy activities, complete with a plop down onto the floor/chair/couch, etc. and an exasperated sigh or two.

The other day, after running in circles (literally), she plopped onto the floor, put her hands behind her head and said, "Phew, I'm taking a break. I've been playing hard all day. Phew!"

If only her breaks lasted a little longer than 10 seconds.

Fashion Friday: Fashionably Late

Let's Talk About It: Time

Emma's concept of time is a little off, but totally adorable. A few examples of her "units of time"...

"Mom, let's go play for a-couple-whiles."

"I'll go get it in a second-minute."

"I just want to play with my peoples for a couple days!"

That last one, I might add, is pretty darn close to the truth...

Fashion Friday: It's About the Accessories, Baby!

I'll give you one guess as to who Miss Kendall's stylist was...

Let's Talk About It: Dreams

I've always wondered what Emma dreams about. In fact, I can't wait until she understands what a dream is so she can tell me all about it. Still, I ask her every morning. To my surprise, I've been getting answers lately...

Mom: Did you sleep good last night, Emma?

Emma: Yeah!!!

M: What did you dream about?

E: Ummmm, nothing. [sigh] Just angels and butterflies.

Now, I'm not banking on the fact that she really knew what she was saying, but it was still so sweet to hear. Angels and butterflies... if you ask me, that's what every little girl's dreams should be made of!


And then I ask her again this morning, and she tells me she dreamed about "horses, pigs and cows."

"What were they doing?" I ask.

She replies, "Eating grass."

Doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it?

Mommy Moments

**Submitted as part of 5 Minutes for Mom Mother's Day photo contest...


After 2-1/2 years of being a Mommy, I often find myself still amazed that I am a mom. Most of the time, I'm not sure how we've managed to make it this far. And now that there are 2 kids under my care?! Well, let's just say I'm winging it!

BUT then there are the moments I like to call "Mommy Moments." The times when I really feel like a Mommy. Times when I feel like I know what I'm doing. When things feel natural and "right."

New Year's Day was one of those moments. There was tons of snow on the ground that day, and Jeff really wanted to take Emma outside. So after a quick trip to the store for some snow boots, I bundled Emma up and sent her out to play with her Daddy. She was so excited, and I just loved watching them make snow angels and stomp through the snow hills. I think Emma face-planted into the snow a half-dozen times -- and she loved every minute of it!



But then I saw my baby's cheeks getting rosy, and I knew it was time to come in. So I peeked my head out the door, and told Emma to come in and warm up, and I'd make her some chicken noodle soup.



After shedding the layers, I bundled her up on the couch with some warm (rice) milk while I made her soup. When it was ready, she came to her chair, but the soup was too hot. Remembering my mom's trick, I got an ice cube out of the freezer and put it in her soup to cool it down. It was ready to eat in no time. There was such a wonderful peace inside me when Emma took that first slurp of soup and smiled at me with her rosy cheeks. All felt right with the world.

The only thing missing? Hot chocolate. But not to worry, I finally got around to ordering these, so Miss Emma may get a treat before this cold weather leaves us for good.

Any other Mommy Moments out there?

Fashion Friday: Dressed for a King

Here's our little doll on her baptism day. Although I love the simplicity of the dress (thanks, Grammie!), I have to admit the little shoes are my favorite part of the outfit. Emma wore the same outfit, so it has real sentimental value. Jeff's mom had both their names and baptism dates embroidered on the slip, which makes it even more special. (Don't worry, there's room on the back IF there is ever a third girl... ;)



Of course, the dress has nothing to do with the point of the whole day... the day we placed our beautiful little girl into her Father's care, promising to teach her all about the love and peace only our Lord and King can offer. It is an honor to do that, and I pray she will truly become the "woman who loves her Maker" that our family friend sang about on her special day.

In all seriousness, God doesn't care what we wear, as long as we come to Him with pure hearts. In fact, He prefers that we bare our souls -- not hide behind the masks the world makes us feel like we have to wear. That's the best part about God -- He loves and accepts us as we are -- broken, battered, and ugly. He understands that we question and doubt. Unfortunately, it is our nature. The good news is that He loves us anyway. And He forgives us.

My prayer is that as Kendall comes to the age of understanding, she dresses herself in His righteousness and lives her life knowing that He will protect her and love her no matter how many times she questions. In the end, His love covers all. It is enough.

Let's Talk About It: Polite Introductions

Emma's latest little quirk is that she politely makes sure you know everyone in the room. Once Kendall was born, she quickly decided that it was her job to present her to you: "This is my sister, Kendall," she would say, as she stretched out her right arm.

Now the introductions have extended to Grandmas and Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles, and anyone else she thinks you might not know. She also considers the fact that you may have forgotten who you met last time, so she does this every time someone enters our home or if we arrive at a destination first. I think my Mom has "met" Kendall at least two dozen times!

Fashion Friday: My Sweethearts

Let's Talk About It: In Check

Today, Emma and I are having our usual chase and catch game (aka: getting dressed!), and in an effort to get out the door, I sternly ask her to sit on the stairs so I can put on her snow boots.

She does, but then adds, "Don't be crabby, Mom."

And you know what, she was right.

Fashion Friday: e is for energy!

*UPDATE: For those of you who asked, the shirt was a gift, but I know it was from The Red Balloon. Kendall actually has the "K," but we'll have to wait a few months before she fits into it! :)

Thank you, Lord...

...that I have two kids sleeping now AT THE SAME TIME. Even if it is only for 20 minutes.

The perfect opportunity to get a little work done. Or eat a meal. Or get some sleep.


(Or watch last night's American Idol... :o)

Let's Talk About It: Clothes

Mommy: Okay Emma, it's time to get dressed.

Emma: Pink pants, Mommy.

M: No, those don't match your shirt. Let's put on your jeans.

E: No jeans Mommy! Comfy pink pants!!!

M: We can wear those pants for nap. Right now, you can wear your jeans.

E: No, I'm not.

M: Um, excuse me. Yes you are.

E: (Rolls around on the ground as if her life has just ended.) No, I'm not!



I'll let you all imagine how the rest of the conversation went... :o)

Thanks 'Bampa!

While most men were excited to watch "the Big Game" yesterday, Emma's "Bampa" (my dad) was just as excited to built his first granddaughter a snow fort. A few weeks ago, he promised her he would build her the best fort ever when it snowed again. Well, after a snow-filled Friday and Saturday, we got the call that Sunday was going to be The Day.

I'd say he more than outdid himself. He was out there for over an hour on Sunday making the hugest mound ever, and then came over this morning to dig it all out.





As you can see, Emma can stand in it!


The man is totally butter around her. Anything for his "pretty girl, Emma."

Fashion Friday: Mommy's Favorite Jammies

Here they both are, wearing my favorite hot pink velvet pjs.




Emma (top) is only 6 weeks old, whereas Kendall (bottom) is 13 weeks, but oh well. At least I have a photo of each of them!

Let's Talk About It: Love

One of my favorite things about Emma's age is the random acts of love I get on a daily basis. As hard as she plays, she is also quite the lover. Giving kisses and hugs comes very naturally to her. I especially love it when she gives Kendall that intense look of love where she just wants to squeeze her to death. She grits her teeth together and hugs her tight -- sometimes too tight! -- saying, "I love you so much!"


This past week, she did two things that really melted my heart:

I am washing dishes and she is nicely playing with her doll house and "peoples." Out of nowhere, she comes up to me and says, "Mom, you are my best friend" and gives my leg a big squeeze.

We are sitting at the table, finishing lunch, and she says to me, "Mommy, I love Jesus so much."

Could I be any prouder?

Fashion Friday: True Joy

...is hearing your daughter giggle at you for the first time.

Let's Talk About It Tuesday: Close Enough

Emma blows me away daily with all that she says correctly -- she even gets her pronouns correct most of the time -- but there are some things that I refuse to correct her on, simply because I am not ready for my baby to grow up.

A few examples...

"Hold You!" -- Her way of asking me to hold her, although she has corrected herself a few times lately :(

"Applepines" -- Pineapples! This one just makes me smile all day.

"Bapes" -- Grapes. This has become a family favorite.

"Momiter" -- Monitor. As in the one that tells us Kendall has woken up from her fifth 10-minute nap of the day.


And then there are the times when Jeff and I just look at each other in disbelief that we are holding complete conversations with our very opinionated 2 year old.

One example from this week...

E: "Mommy, I want to watch TV."

M: "You already watched Mickey Mouse this morning."

E: "How 'bout a little bit TV?"

M: "Why don't you sit next to Daddy and watch football?"

E: "No, Mommy. That's not a great idea."

Fashion Friday: Not So Casual Friday

My little career women... :o)



One is definitely a happier worker than the other...






*I made the Friday deadline with 12 minutes to spare!*

Let's Talk About It...

So my little Emma is quite the talker. No surprise there. But one of my favorite things lately is when we sit down for lunch or for a potty break and she says, "Mommy, let's talk about it."

That is her adorable way of starting a conversation. I then say, "What do you want to talk about?" The usual responses include Noah, Adam & Eve, Mary, or Einsteins. I am then required to tell specified story with the opening phrase, "One day..."

In honor of this cute little quirk, I think I'm going to start Let's Talk About It Tuesdays. Yes, I realize it is Thursday (and most of you won't read this until Friday), but I have been sick all week and well, I'm a little behind.

Anyway, this will be my way of sharing (and remembering) all of the funny things Emma says as she becomes her own little person.

Here are a few of the latest:

She is done with lunch and wants her fruit, but I am nursing Kendall and inform her she is going to have to wait a few minutes. She then slams her hand on the table and exclaims, "This is ridiculous!"

I am sad that she has peed a little bit in her pull-up diaper (a whole other story). In an effort to make me happy, she looks at me lovingly, strokes my cheek and softly says, "Happy New Year, Mommy."

It is a busy Saturday morning in the Bonnema home -- Emma and Kendall are both crying -- so Jeff suggests I stay upstairs and feed Kendall while he brings Emma downstairs. Emma agrees and says, "Mommy, just sit on the bed and relax, chill out, and don't talk anymore." This is word for word by the way!


Oh yes, this is going to be fun...

Fashion Friday: When she dresses herself....